Why you're afraid to finish your book (and how to get past the four biggest fears of any writer)

Are you a writer who’s too afraid to keep going? Don’t leave your work on the scrap heap.

If you talk to any writer, at some point, you’ll discover fear.

It doesn’t matter if they’re a newbie, learning and starting out or they’ve published 20 books. Fear is always there, just below the surface. And it can stop anyone in their tracks. There are plenty of never-started or half-finished books hiding in drawers or on hard drives out there in the world.

There are also plenty of insecure writers finding all sorts of reasons as to why they aren’t writing.

“I don’t have time.”

“Life gets in the way.”

“I can’t decide what I’m going to write.”

I wonder: if you dug a little deeper into why a writer isn’t writing, would the real reason be fear?

What are writers afraid of? I’ve heard these comments before.

“No one will want to read what I’ve written.”

The world is a big place. There are a whole lot of people out there. Many of them can read (that’s what school is for) and many of them are looking for something exactly like what you’ve written.

If your story is unique, people will enjoy the fact that it’s different from other people’s stories. If it’s similar, there are people who love to read the same-but-slightly-different version of a story over and over.

There is more than likely an audience out there for you, whether it’s broad or niche, big or tiny.

“People will attack, belittle or criticise me for what I’ve written.”

First, there’s a difference between taking useful critique and feedback, and being attacked. All writers need to toughen up and put a bit of distance between ourselves as people and our stories, even though they feel like one and the same thing. (Spoiler: they aren’t.)

However, it is true that we live in a ‘cancel’ culture where sometimes the mob can pile on if they don’t like your opinion. Let’s be real: there are social media platforms that can be scary places. It’s easy to be rude on social media. If you’re truly scared of it, you’ll need to consider whether what you’re putting out is likely to be jumped on and decide if you’ll take the risk or not. Perhaps you could write something different at first. Perhaps you could stay off the platforms you’re nervous about.

“No one will ever publish this.”

You don’t know that. Honestly, you don’t. The world is full of amazing books that were rejected over and over but ended up being the first in their genre. Yours might be one of them. And these days, self-publishing is a great option too.

“My writing game isn’t strong; my skills are rubbish; I don’t know what I’m doing.”

A tiny percentage of people are born with the ability to throw words on a page, re-arrange them slightly and present the world with a masterpiece. Most writers have to learn their craft, however, just like cooks have to learn knife skills, plumbers have to learn to lay pipe and economists have to get higher degrees.

Like anything else in life, if you don’t have skills to do something you want to do, you go get the skills. Read a book, do a course, join a critique group. There’s a world out there dedicated to upskilling writers. You can find your information for free, or you can pay for it, but it’s out there. Don’t hide behind your current lack of skill – you can learn and grow.

And don’t think that those naturally talented, brilliant writers don’t get frightened like you; they’re bigger scaredy-cats than the rest of us.

I know two writers who are exceptional. They don’t just sketch a scene; they daub it so that the light is dappled, the shadows subtle. They can gather and group words in ways that make me melt with satisfaction.

I’ve said to both these writers, ‘This is so good it’s crazy.’ But neither writer is published. In fact, in the years I have known them, neither writer has finished their manuscript to their satisfaction. I can only put it down to fear of some kind. Maybe we just need to say this to ourselves: I’m good enough. My writing is good enough. It’s good enough. And then, whether we believe it or not, pretend and act as if we believe it, and keep writing.

I’ve read their work, and I get excited by it. But it makes me sad that it isn’t out there for the world to enjoy and learn from.

Don’t let fear stop you.
Breathe through it.
Get what you need.
Keep going.

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If you’re terrified about writing your memoir, we can help you with both the writing skills and the planning and structure. Check out our comprehensive Write Your Memoir course.

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You don't need an introduction for your memoir. Really, you don't.

I spent the weekend at a writer’s conference, taking appointments with people who wanted advice about the work they had done so far on their memoir. Without exception, every manuscript I saw started out with an introduction. Most of them were long. Many were ponderous. All were boring.

I was intrigued to see that every introduction included a version of these elements, written in different ways, and quite often repeated several times:

I wanted to write this book for these important reasons [insert important reasons here].

I’m not a writer, but it’s been on my heart for a long time to write this book.

Wow, writing is hard!

Most of all, I’ve written this for you, dear reader.

In other words, every introduction was the same as every other introduction.

Here’s the thing: nobody cares… yet.

What do readers of memoir care about? They’re there first of all for the story or the hook they’ve been promised.

‘How I coped after my son was diagnosed with autism.’

‘Why I quit my job and went backpacking across Asia for five years and ended up living in a yurt.’

‘How I learned to live like the Eskimos.’

Your readers pick up your book because of the part of your story that speaks to them, or appeals to their curiosity. At the beginning, it is all about them. Later, when they’ve met you on the page and they feel like they know you, it’s about you-and-them. If they like you, they’ll be keen to read the reasons you wrote the book, how you felt about writing it, and how hard it was to do. (If they don’t like you, they won’t care, but that’s another story… you’ve got to make sure you put your whole self on the page.)

So, you don’t need an introduction for your memoir. You might like to include something small and personal at the back as a postscript, but keep it away from the front. Start with what your readers are looking for: the story, a character, and a transformation. Once you’ve delivered that, you’ve earned the right to speak freely.

Is my memoir worth writing? (Spoiler: yes it is)

Some of the writers in my ‘Write Your Memoir’ course get a little worried when they’re starting out.

They want to write their story — but they also don’t believe that anyone would want to read it.

They think: ‘it’s not important enough’ or ‘it’s not significant’ or, and this is something I hear frequently, ‘my life has just been normal’.

Of course, we all know of memoirs that tell incredible stories of bravery, suffering or triumph – the ones that are a publisher’s dream. Those stories can be moving, inspiring and challenging.

But I believe that even the small, ordinary stories are worth telling.

There are two keys when you’re telling a ‘small’ story. First: know what a story is.

It’s more than just an anecdote, or a series of events. It’s more than an emotion or that time when we fell in love, or the trip we took.

Any and all stories contain certain, distinctive elements which work together, in the right order, and in the right proportion, to produce a sense of suspense, build up, completion and satisfaction in the hearer or the reader.

• The beginning of the story must include an obstacle or problem, and a point of decision.

• The main character of the story must choose to act, rather than be a passive recipient of circumstances.

• There must be a significant low point, and a regathering of strength, and some kind of showdown.

• Finally, we must see change in the main character. The events of the story have affected them internally as well as externally.

The second key is this: understand how your story has changed you.

The transformation of the main character is an important part of a memoir. It’s what makes a ‘small’ story – even a ‘trivial’ story – worth reading. When you are able to write with honesty and vulnerability: “this changed me”, you are on the road to writing a story which might help to change others.

Of course, to be able to write this requires self-knowledge and awareness, the willingness to be open, and the vulnerability of putting yourself out there. But if you are courageous enough to put these things on the page, your readers will truly appreciate it.

Perhaps you’ve been wondering if your story is important enough to write?

If so, I’d encourage you to think in two ways: firstly, what exactly is my story, and secondly, how have these events changed me?

Let me say it again: your story doesn’t have to be a long screed of drug use, abuse or suffering.

It could be as simple as the book my young daughter brought home from the library, about the true adventures of a troublesome puppy and what its owner learned. It seems like a trivial little tale on one hand. On the other hand, my daughter loved it. And she’ll take the lessons from it and absorb them into her own life. Which makes it a worthwhile and valuable story.

This post was first published at Christian Writers Downunder

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Cecily Paterson’s online Write Your Memoir course helps first time authors with the confidence and skills they need to tell their story. Check out the FREE mini-memoir course to get you started on your memoir writing journey.