Why you're afraid to finish your book (and how to get past the four biggest fears of any writer)

Are you a writer who’s too afraid to keep going? Don’t leave your work on the scrap heap.

If you talk to any writer, at some point, you’ll discover fear.

It doesn’t matter if they’re a newbie, learning and starting out or they’ve published 20 books. Fear is always there, just below the surface. And it can stop anyone in their tracks. There are plenty of never-started or half-finished books hiding in drawers or on hard drives out there in the world.

There are also plenty of insecure writers finding all sorts of reasons as to why they aren’t writing.

“I don’t have time.”

“Life gets in the way.”

“I can’t decide what I’m going to write.”

I wonder: if you dug a little deeper into why a writer isn’t writing, would the real reason be fear?

What are writers afraid of? I’ve heard these comments before.

“No one will want to read what I’ve written.”

The world is a big place. There are a whole lot of people out there. Many of them can read (that’s what school is for) and many of them are looking for something exactly like what you’ve written.

If your story is unique, people will enjoy the fact that it’s different from other people’s stories. If it’s similar, there are people who love to read the same-but-slightly-different version of a story over and over.

There is more than likely an audience out there for you, whether it’s broad or niche, big or tiny.

“People will attack, belittle or criticise me for what I’ve written.”

First, there’s a difference between taking useful critique and feedback, and being attacked. All writers need to toughen up and put a bit of distance between ourselves as people and our stories, even though they feel like one and the same thing. (Spoiler: they aren’t.)

However, it is true that we live in a ‘cancel’ culture where sometimes the mob can pile on if they don’t like your opinion. Let’s be real: there are social media platforms that can be scary places. It’s easy to be rude on social media. If you’re truly scared of it, you’ll need to consider whether what you’re putting out is likely to be jumped on and decide if you’ll take the risk or not. Perhaps you could write something different at first. Perhaps you could stay off the platforms you’re nervous about.

“No one will ever publish this.”

You don’t know that. Honestly, you don’t. The world is full of amazing books that were rejected over and over but ended up being the first in their genre. Yours might be one of them. And these days, self-publishing is a great option too.

“My writing game isn’t strong; my skills are rubbish; I don’t know what I’m doing.”

A tiny percentage of people are born with the ability to throw words on a page, re-arrange them slightly and present the world with a masterpiece. Most writers have to learn their craft, however, just like cooks have to learn knife skills, plumbers have to learn to lay pipe and economists have to get higher degrees.

Like anything else in life, if you don’t have skills to do something you want to do, you go get the skills. Read a book, do a course, join a critique group. There’s a world out there dedicated to upskilling writers. You can find your information for free, or you can pay for it, but it’s out there. Don’t hide behind your current lack of skill – you can learn and grow.

And don’t think that those naturally talented, brilliant writers don’t get frightened like you; they’re bigger scaredy-cats than the rest of us.

I know two writers who are exceptional. They don’t just sketch a scene; they daub it so that the light is dappled, the shadows subtle. They can gather and group words in ways that make me melt with satisfaction.

I’ve said to both these writers, ‘This is so good it’s crazy.’ But neither writer is published. In fact, in the years I have known them, neither writer has finished their manuscript to their satisfaction. I can only put it down to fear of some kind. Maybe we just need to say this to ourselves: I’m good enough. My writing is good enough. It’s good enough. And then, whether we believe it or not, pretend and act as if we believe it, and keep writing.

I’ve read their work, and I get excited by it. But it makes me sad that it isn’t out there for the world to enjoy and learn from.

Don’t let fear stop you.
Breathe through it.
Get what you need.
Keep going.

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If you’re terrified about writing your memoir, we can help you with both the writing skills and the planning and structure. Check out our comprehensive Write Your Memoir course.

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Six ways to get to know the character you’re writing

You’ve got a character forming in your head, and you want to get her onto the page, but you’re not 100 per cent sure who she is yet. She’s halfway there, just not quite fully formed. How are you going to get to know her so that you can write her? Here are some ideas.

1. Get a starting image

I like to have a visual of my characters before I even start to ask them who they are. So far all of my main characters have been based on real people (in How Not To Be Popular Abby was based on a person I knew who had bright red hair and a smiley, kind face). Pick someone you know, or you’ve seen on the street, or perhaps start with the face of an actor. Searching through a stock photography site might also help you find a visual that is a good basis for your character.

2. Begin with a personality type

Is your character a choleric or sanguine type? Are they an ENFP or ISTJ? Which of the five natural elements do they identify with most? Check out the Enneagram tool as well.

As you can see, there are plenty of ways to define personality and plenty of tests you could do. I’m not so much interested in the science of these things (and frankly there may not be much) as the helpful descriptions they can give us of how people act and react in life.

3. Make sure your characters are different from each other

It’s easy to have everyone in your story sound the same, react the same and learn the same way. As well as doing character work for your protagonist, you’ll also need to do similar work for your minor characters. They need to have their own voices and their own stories, even if all of that story isn’t told.

4. Make sure your character is different from you

Beginner writers often end up creating what’s known as a ‘Mary Sue’ character, an idealised version of themselves. It’s not deliberate most of the time - it’s just easy. Check your character. Does she have flaws? Is she annoying at times? Are there bits of herself she’d rather not show, but which poke into the story and make it interesting? Check yourself: can you bear to write your character’s flaws, or are you somehow too attached to her to show her, warts and all? If you don’t want her to suffer or be exposed on the page, you may have written a Mary Sue.

5. How does your character make other people feel?

I pinched this question from author Claire Zorn’s writing workshop I attended recently. It’s a useful one because it goes to the heart of the interactions between characters — which is really what every story is all about. You can create a well-rounded, complex, interesting character, but if she doesn’t interact with other characters in a way that brings about tension, conflict and sparks of emotion, you’re not going to have a very effective story.

Related to this is: how does your character speak and act around other people, and what do they leave behind them when they go? Checking out the personality types may give some helpful insights into these interactions with others. Most of the personality tests I’ve mentioned above not only describe personality types, but offer insight into how they might operate when they are stressed or happy, and how they react to other personality types.

6. Talk to your characters

One of the most helpful things I have ever done to create, uncover, discover and form a character is to ask them questions. ‘Send’ them a list of questions, and ask them to write back the answers to you, in their own words. (Obviously, you do the answering… but you’re just the pen holder for their words. Let them find their own voices.)

Here’s a sample letter for your character with a list of questions you might like to try. I’ve created them for a younger character: feel free to adapt as appropriate for your character.

Dear ___________ ,

Kinda weird, I know, but I'm hoping you'll be interested in answering some or all of these questions. If you don't want to, it's no problem, but it would be cool if you could. I'll start with the easy ones... I think! (:

When you were eight, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Who was your favorite friend when you were ten? what stuff did you do together?

What was your first memory of your mum? Your dad?

Who do you hate most, and why?

When have you felt most alive?

What was the hardest thing in your life when you were 12? What's the hardest thing in your life right now?

Be honest: what do you really think about your mum?

What intimidates you?

When do you feel most confident?

What makes you laugh so much you can hardly stand up?

When was the last time you cried - and why?

Are you a 'lots of friends' person or 'just one friend' person? Why?

What are your favourite shoes?

Dogs or cats?

Meat or veg?

Ice cream or pie?

Mountains or beach?

What music do you listen to when you feel sad?

What music always makes you feel happy?

Describe yourself in one sentence. Or maybe three sentences. Whichever suits you better. (And why did you pick one, or three?)

Your thoughts about swimsuits?

And now I'm going to ask you one more question. I want you to answer with the first thought that comes into your mind. Don't think about it too much, okay? Just scroll down until you find it and then answer it.

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What do you really want, deep inside?

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Cecily Paterson’s online Write Your Memoir course helps first time authors with the confidence and skills they need to tell their story. Her own memoir, Love Tears & Autism won third place in the 2012 Australian Christian Book of the Year Awards. She is the author of seven novels for young teen girls.

The emotional benefits of writing your memoir

Memoir writers have a few different motivations.

“I want to share my story with other people in the same situation.”

“I want to give hope to women.”

“I want to make people laugh. (Or cry… or both.)”

Something that we memoir writers sometimes think, but don’t often say, is that we may want to write our stories to make ourselves feel better.

Telling your story is a cathartic experience. It changes things in your heart. It focuses your mind. It resolves stuff.

Sometimes, it helps you clarify your present, understand your relationships, get a hold of your motivations.

Overall, it acts as a stage curtain, sweeping across one ‘act’ of your life. “This is finished now,” it says, in a dramatic way. “You can move on.”

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The physical act of writing your memoir has an effect on you that you can’t understand, and you can’t quantify until you’ve done it. Somehow, in the thinking, and the writing, and the reliving of the old experiences, you’re able to make peace with yourself.

And then, the changes happen. I’ve seen people write their stories and grow in confidence and purpose. They’re able to move forward and break new ground.

I experienced this myself several years ago. After the diagnosis of my son with a chronic condition that brought trauma to our family life for over five years, I felt like I was swirling. Things had improved, but I was still stuck in what I’d lived through.

I decided that writing my story was something I needed to do – for myself, and my own peace of mind. It did help, in remarkable ways. Even as a writer, I was surprised by the effect it had on me. Where there was mostly grief and crisis, now there was mostly peace and acceptance.

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Not everyone has a story of trauma and grief to tell. But if you’re read this, it’s likely you’ve got some kind of story itching in your heart, waiting to get out.

Maybe you’re scared of revisiting old feelings. Maybe you feel guilty for putting so much time into something that doesn’t seem that important to anyone but yourself.

But be encouraged: the simple act of writing your story is going to be powerful and transformative in your life. The more you allow yourself to go along with the process, the more you can gain from the huge emotional benefits of memoir writing.

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